How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
