Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
