What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
