I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
