Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
