why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
