New low: just hacked my moms facebook
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
