So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
