we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
