Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize