I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
