just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize