i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
