So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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