I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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