I'm laying in your front yard are you home
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
