The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
