I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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