if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
