You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
