I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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