you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
