I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
