Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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