Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
