i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
