Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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