chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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