i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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