OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
