I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
