Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
