I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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