My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
