Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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