Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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