You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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