ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
