My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
