we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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