My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
