Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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