The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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