The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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