drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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