what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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