6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
