oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
