so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
