You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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