grandma shit on top of the toilet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
