I met the friendliest cop last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
